I’ve never had a mentor. But I’ve had people teach me exactly who I didn’t want to become — in real time, with a live studio audience.
I’ve had others model something so true and masterful, it stuck with me like my childhood phone number.
There was the leader who taught me to lead with warmth and precision; because they did it so well, the air felt different when they entered a room.
There was the leader who taught me what not to do — because they completely missed the slow, public unraveling of a direct report, even as the rest of us continually escalated the situation.
There was the peer who didn’t have power, but used their voice to shift entire conversations in the right direction.
There was even a director who NEVER answered a question directly.
Because mentorship, it turns out, is a mirror.
And sometimes a warning label.
I remember sitting in a lunch-and-learn years ago when the discussion turned to mentorship. The speaker asked us to share stories of mentors who shaped us.
A colleague next to me visibly tensed, like they’d bitten down on a lemon wedge.
“I never had a mentor,” they said, “and I’m sick of people acting like everyone did.” That never left me.
Because they weren’t bitter. They were sick of the implication that something was missing because no one formally chose them.
What they didn’t realize is most of us have been mentored informally, by the behavior of bosses, coworkers, cousins, clients, and project managers who ran meetings like a jazz ensemble, and the one who replied-all with their grocery list [twice].
Our NETWORK is not just who we know, it’s who’s shaped us.
For better or for worse, toward the next version of ourselves.
Mentorship isn’t always the same.
Sometimes it’s a missed deadline that cost you trust.
Sometimes it’s watching someone get promoted for the third time, and realizing they always, always, ask great questions.
Sometimes it’s a barback at your 2nd job telling you, “If you show up late, you say something. No excuses.”
And if you’re paying attention, your network becomes less of a contact list and more of a constellation — a messy, brilliant pattern of the people who shape you.
And maybe you’ve become a star in someone else’s constellation, too.
Not because you meant to.
Because you showed up and made them feel seen.
That said, mentorship isn’t always kind and it’s rarely formal… but it is always formative.
So if you’re one of the ones who didn’t have a mentor, don’t feel alone.
You were mentored.
By circumstance. By resistance. By alignment.
And now it’s your turn to leave a mark.
Not by signing up for a formal program, but just by being someone worth learning from. Even if your latest lesson came from watching someone rise through the ranks on nothing but confidence and a recurring grocery list.
Tag someone who taught you something; even if they didn’t mean to. Especially if it took you five years and a full career pivot to realize it.
