If no one on your team has been even mildly annoyed in a meeting lately, you don’t have psychological safety, you have hospitality. Lovely for brunch. Useless for performance.
Tom McDowall just wrote a fantastic myth-busting piece on psychological safety (link in comments.) It kicked me right in the HR brain, because I keep seeing the same thing he described: we’ve turned “psychological safety” into “no one is ever allowed to feel uncomfortable near my calendar.”
Let’s be annoying and say what Psychological safety isn’t:
• A feelings bubble where nobody is ever challenged
• A “do not disturb” sign for feedback
• A universal veto on consequences
• A script of “supportive phrases” we memorize and then ignore in practice
Psychological safety is not “people feel safe 100% of the time.”
It’s “people know what will happen when they take a risk.”
THAT’S IT.
So, if you want a shift that actually moves the needle STOP ASKING:
“Do people feel safe on my team?”
START ASKING can people:
• Disagree with me in public?
• Surface bad news early?
• Admit mistakes without career damage?”
And then, because we’re adults with jobs: “Do we still have clear standards and follow through when performance is off?”
–>If the answer to the first set is no, you don’t have psychological safety.
–>If the answer to the second set is no, you don’t have leadership.
Also, quick reality check for managers and leaders:
When was the last time someone told you,
“I don’t think that’s the best approach”? OR, brought you a problem before it blew up?
OR SAID, “I messed up, here’s what I’m doing about it,” and you BOTH handled it without theatrics?
If all of those feel like rare solar events, your culture isn’t “kind.” IT’S QUIET. Quiet is not safe, its strategic self-protection.
This is where my SNAK brain kicks in. When I look at teams, I watch four levers (SHOCKING!):
SKILLS – Have we taught people how to give and receive hard feedback, or just told them to “be open”?
NETWORK – Do people have relationships strong enough to survive disagreement, or does one conflict = exile?
ACTIVITIES – What gets airtime: real performance conversations, or endless “vibes check” meetings with no decisions?
KNOWLEDGE – Do people understand how decisions are made and what “good” looks like?
If any of those four are misaligned, no amount of “we value psychological safety” communications will save you.
So, for everyone who’s been voluntold to “go build psychological safety” on top of their day job, here’s my HR hill to die on:
• You are not responsible for making everyone comfortable.
• You are responsible for making it possible to tell the truth and still have a career.
Question time… What’s one specific behavior that tells you a team has real psychological safety, not the cosplay version? Drop it in the comments. Let’s build a list of things we can actually see and do instead of just collecting softer, nicer words for “don’t make anyone upset.”
