If you’ve ever said, “I’m flexible,” and felt your soul leave your body, this is for you. Some of us were trained early to treat wanting as a liability. Ask for too much, need too much, reach too openly, and you get silence. Or tension. Or the kind of “fine” that is actually a weather event. So your nervous system learns a survival hack: DON’T WANT. Or at least, don’t let anyone see you want.
Fast forward to work, where we call this “being low maintenance.”
It shows up like this: you wait to be picked for the stretch project instead of raising your hand. You write the deck, run the meeting, save the timeline, then smile politely as credit floats past you like a balloon you’re not allowed to grab. You say “no worries” while your calendar becomes a group project.
You also become allergic to the sentence: “Here’s what I want next.”
Because wanting feels like risk. Wanting sounds like you might be “difficult.” Wanting sounds like you might hear “no,” and some part of you still believes no means you were foolish for asking.
And then there’s the tricky substitute: being wanted.
The ping. The tag. The “Can you hop on?” The little hit of “They need me.” It can feel intoxicating, especially if being overlooked was your original soundtrack.
But being wanted is not the same as being seen. Being pulled in is not the same as being respected. Being included is not the same as being understood.
In work terms, this is how people end up doing “high potential” labor on a “good sport” salary, accepting vague praise instead of specific growth, collecting urgency like it’s a personality trait, and waiting for someone to notice what they never named.
But when your default is to live on external desire, you slowly lose contact with your own.
So what does “desire” look like at work, without making it weird? It looks like clean, adult asks:
• I want clarity on what “excellent” means here.
• I want my work to be visible for the right reasons.
• I want a path, not just a pile of tasks.
• I want to grow, and I’m willing to be seen trying.
• I want support, and I’m done pretending I don’t.
When I get stuck, I use my four-letter SNAK compass: Skills, Network, Activities, Knowledge. Not as a self-improvement circus. As proof to my nervous system that wanting can be grounded and safe.
Your inner kid doesn’t need another motivational poster. They need evidence that you can want something and still keep your dignity.
So, where does “waiting to be picked” show up for you at work, and what is one want you’re willing to say out loud this week? One sentence. Keep it clean. I’ll go first in the replies.
