Breaking news: it’s not your job that’s exhausting you. It’s the three unhinged roommates living rent-free in your head: Not Enough, Don’t Lose It, and Must Control Everything. They are not your “personality.” They are outdated survival settings from the era of sabretooth tigers and dial-up internet, and they are absolutely wrecking your workday. Here’s how they show up at work:
NOT ENOUGH Sounds like:
“I should know more.”
“I should be further along.”
“I should say yes, or they’ll realize I’m a fraud.”
Result: you accept every meeting, every “quick favor,” every fire drill. You’re not building a career; you’re running a 24/7 apology tour.
DON’T LOSE IT Sounds like:
“If I push back, they’ll ice me out.”
“If I set a boundary, I’ll lose my job / sponsor / reputation.”
Result: you tolerate chaos, unclear expectations, and heroic levels of nonsense because your nervous system has equated disagreement with exile.
MUST CONTROL EVERYTHING Sounds like:
“If I don’t review every detail, it’ll be a disaster.”
“If I’m not in the room, it’ll go off the rails.”
Result: your calendar looks like a crime scene. You hoard decisions, micromanage slides, and pretend this is “being responsible” instead of what it is: panic in business casual.
None of this means you’re broken. It means your ego is doing its one job: keep you safe, not fulfilled. It cannot tell the difference between “I might get fired” and “This email is poorly written.”
You don’t need to kill your ego or become spiritually waterproof. You just need to stop letting these three gremlins drive with the lights off. Try this instead (here she goes again 😅):
SKILLS: What could I learn that would make this easier instead of scarier?
NETWORK: Who could help me reality-check this story in my head?
ACTIVITIES: What am I doing that secretly keeps this drama alive?
KNOWLEDGE: What information would actually calm me down here?
Quiet levers. Big difference.
Real self-mastery is not becoming chill about everything. It’s catching, in real time:
“Oh, that’s Not Enough.”
“Ah, there’s Don’t Lose It again.”
“Yep, Must Control Everything just logged in.”
So, tell me in the comments: which one of these three is running the loudest in your brain lately, and what tiny experiment are you willing to try this week to turn the volume down?
