If you’re optimizing your career for “easy,” you’re basically asking for professional room service. Warm, predictable, comes with a chocolate on the pillow [yet somehow you still wake up tired.]
Because most of us aren’t really chasing “that” thing at work or in our personal lives. Not the title, the promotion, or the “high visibility initiative” that mysteriously becomes visible when it’s time to present to leaders. And not the emotionally unavailable situationship that texts “hey stranger” when you finally disengage. We’re chasing the version of ourselves who can earn it and not become stressed out the minute we get it.
That’s why “arrival” is underwhelming. You get the win… and your brain immediately starts shopping for the next hill (or person who feels like a mystery novel). Because becoming is the point, pursuit builds muscle; achievement is just the receipt.
So no, you don’t need a hard life; but you DO need to choose a hard season.
Chosen hard has purpose and guardrails. Accidental hard happens when you keep dodging the exact conversations and decisions that would make everything easier later… and then calling it “fate” when you end up in the same job pattern or relationship with a new face.
Life offers two options: discomfort now, or chaos later. Discomfort now looks like:
-leading the meeting instead of hiding in the attendee list
-putting your thinking in writing where it can be challenged
-asking for feedback without a pre-apology
-learning the tool/process you’ve been avoiding (yes, that one)
-setting a boundary without justification
-applying that same boundary to your calendar and your “we should totally hang out sometime” texts
And while we’re here: “hard” does not mean flexing exhaustion like it’s a badge. So, if your only strategy is “try harder,” STOP because all your building is resentment… and a very dramatic eye twitch. The goal is constructive friction, the kind that strengthens you.
A quick way to make hard useful is to run it through SNAK. ASK: what kind of hard is this?
-SKILLS: I don’t know how to do it yet. (Practice, coaching)
-NETWORK: I’m trying to do it alone. (Find allies, mentors, peers)
-ACTIVITIES: My habits/cadence are working against me. (Routines, systems)
-KNOWLEDGE: I’m missing context/a proven approach. (Templates, examples, data)
That check saves you from the “I guess I’m just not cut out for this” spiral. It turns struggle into a plan and keeps you from romanticizing the grind when the issue is simply that nobody showed you the map… or you keep auditioning for love in places that only offer callbacks.
So, choose hard like a grown-up. Pick one thing that makes future-you more capable. Give it a deadline. Do the first rep now, not “when things calm down,” because calm season is a myth.
Your turn: what’s one “chosen hard” you’re committing to this week, and which SNAK lever is it? I want to see what brave looks like when it’s wearing business casual.
