After what feels like my hundredth coaching conversation about this exact thing, I can report that some of the most competent people at work are also the most likely to ruin a perfectly good Tuesday by assigning seventeen possible meanings to a short calendar invite. The issue is rarely that they are not capable. The issue is that their brain has mistaken hypervigilance for professionalism.
Thank you for reading this post, don't forget to subscribe!In practice, that looks like doing the job and then doing a whole second, unpaid job in your head. Replaying the meeting. Decoding the tone. Predicting the fallout. Inventing six possible next steps for a problem that may not even exist.
This comes up constantly in coaching, and not because thoughtful, conscientious, high-functioning people fall into the trap of caring. They are paying attention. They are trying to anticipate risk, read the room, and stay ahead of trouble. Admirable. Very responsible. Also, on occasion, a spectacular waste of internal resources.
At some point, part of becoming stronger at work is learning to tell the difference between a real problem and a thought that arrived overdressed, overconfident, and completely unqualified. That is a serious skill.
Because yes, some things need action and a direct conversation. Others need better boundaries, planning, and/or leadership. But a surprising number of things need nothing more than for you to stop feeding them. Not every annoyance is a leadership crisis and not every awkward moment is a sign of doom in business casual.
The people who grow the most are usually NOT the ones reacting to everything. They are the ones who get more precise and learn when to engage, ask, and act… Or when to let a mildly irritating thing remain mildly irritating instead of building it a luxury condo in their mind.
That shift matters more than people realize. It protects judgment and energy. It keeps working relationships from getting sticky. It also frees up a shocking amount of brain space for the kind of steadiness people actually trust.
This is not about becoming detached or pretending nothing bothers you. It is about not handing every inconvenience a backstage pass. You can care deeply and still stop turning every small disruption into a full emotional residency. In the spirit of “saying the thing,” half the battle of modern work is learning not to climb into the passenger seat of every passing thought.
So, as usual, I am curious. What is one thing you have gotten better at not giving so much energy to at work?
I would love to hear it in the comments, because judging by the number of coaching conversations I have had on this exact topic, a lot of people need the reminder that not everything deserves a piece of them.
