Some bosses are bad. Some are forgettable. And some are so performative that it takes you months to realize you’re in a slow-moving psychological car crash.
–>They’re late for live meetings. The whole team waits… and they show up with a face like their Netflix password stopped working. If you call it out or “look annoyed,” they get annoyed.
–>They’re late (if they show up at all) for one-on-ones, especially with remote employees who’ve traveled in to meet. It’s not an accident. It’s a flex. A quiet way to remind you of your place.
–>They call you “the one I trust.” You think it’s special, until you find out everyone on the team got the same line.
Sometimes, these bosses have such great teams—and manipulate them so deftly—that they look like stars themselves. The difference? A real leader learns and grows with the team. Bosses don’t learn; they repeat. Verbatim. And under scrutiny, it shows.
–>They don’t like team members collaborating without their explicit blessing, and they really don’t like it when you talk to folks they see as competition.
–>They love hearing how good their team members are—as long as they get the credit. If they don’t, the praise lands like a personal insult. They’ll smile and act proud, but then quietly stack extra work on the rising star until that shine gets a little duller.
–>They watch what “successful” leaders are doing like it’s the Olympics, then imitate it loudly.
–>When something goes wrong on their team, they assign [and rarely share] blame.
–>Outshine them in a meeting? Expect to be iced out and start looking for a new job.
The good news? They’re often gone in 18 to 24 months. That tipping point when it becomes too hard to hide the skill and knowledge gaps, or too many of their “team” move on and leave them stranded… So they charm their way into the next job, rinse, and repeat until the cycle catches up again.
But really, don’t hate the player (only), hate the game (too).
Because, the truth is, some cultures breed these individuals.
They don’t just survive in these environments, they thrive.
Places where status trumps substance.
Where credit is currency and trust is a tool.
If you work for one, get out when you can, but while you still need that paycheck:
Guard your credibility. It’s worth more than any temporary approval.
Build allies outside the team. You’ll need a reality check and an escape hatch.
Document everything. Even the “small” stuff.
Know your exit conditions. Staying might be necessary for a while—but not forever.
I’ve been there. More than once. And every time I stayed longer than I should have because I missed the signs OR thought I could outlast the storm. But cultures that reward this behavior aren’t accidents; they’re ecosystems. And you can’t change the ecosystem from the middle of the food chain.
If you’ve had that boss; the nice one in public, dangerous one in private… drop your survival story in the comments.
